Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
