If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize