Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
