I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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