Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
