good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
