If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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