hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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