Already got asked if we're dating
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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