Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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