she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
