All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
