She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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