I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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