Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
