i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
