thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
