the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
