living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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