wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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