Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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