Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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