he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
