I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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