we have pet lesbian snakes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
