Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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