No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
