I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
