Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
