And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
