You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
