I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
