You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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