we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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