...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
