i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will be naked everywhere
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
