before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
