Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
