she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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