Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
