How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
