If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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