guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
