Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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