I'm so fucking centered right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
