I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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