Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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