I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
