i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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