So drunk, too bad you don't want this
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
