Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
