I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
