Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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