the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
