I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
