i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
