the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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