I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
