I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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