I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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