dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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