I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
