we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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