Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
