Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
