You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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